What do you want for Christmas?

So what does Kaitlyn & Joseph want for Christmas?

Kaitlyn wants Zhu Zhu Pets & Beef Jerky.
(go ahead and laugh that is exactly what she asked for!!!)

Joseph wants (here do I start?): Star Wars (not specific so Santa must use his imagination), a Red Barron plane (a Tri Fokker and yes I know what that means), Soldiers (Civil War & Revolutionary War), Dart Gun (not specific but think BIG), & a toy M-16. - His first list had 86 items on it, so this is a slightly condescend version.

Less than a week til Christmas.

Do you know how to make a good holiday into a great holiday?

REMISSION!!!!!

That's right ladies and gentleman my cancer is in remission.

Just have to watch and wait, but that is better than chemo!!!!

Now all Santa has to give me is some more hair.

And that's what I asked him for.

Me, Santa, & Beth (Beth asked for a Corvette)

A moment for some thanks

I want to take a minute to tell you (and them) how great my family was been.

Mom - You have been so strong. You have made me so proud. I know this has been very tough on you and no matter what happened you have never broken down on me. I can never tell you how much I appreciate you and love you.

Carrie - My baby - no matter what! Shopping for me, taking the kids, and generally make sure I took care of myself. Sitting at the hospital while I got my blood transfusion was a great show of strength (when you consider what I was doing). You made laugh at myself. And of course you gave me a dogphew who adores his Aunt Stephie!

Nicole - Tough, I know not being here. But there is nothing like having someone to talk to, who knows when I am lying and won't call me on it (okay sometimes you called me on it). You have the ability to say the right things, put things in perspective and make me proud of you all at the same time.

Kris - Yes, your an idiot but your my idiot! You have stood strong and refused to treat me as if I am fragile. This has been rougher on you than you are willing to admit - you deserve a medal for dealing with me. Thank you for being you.

Joseph & Kaitlyn - My brave, smart, and funny little angels. Prospective is what you have provide me. Helping shave my hair, picking out my hats, cold kisses on the head, and combing my non existent hair. I am so proud of both you.


I have so many other people to thank and just doing this has made me cry.

So please know I appreciate you, your help, your thoughts, your prayers, you cards, and your gifts.

Thank you!!!
Love. Stephanie

Funny Ha ha

Kelly, the mother of one of my scouts/Kaitlyn's classmate, approaches me the other day after school.
She say, "Jillian came home the other day and said that Kaitlyn's mom doesn't have any hair."
Kelly explained to her that I was sick and the medicine they gave me to get better made my hair fall out.
Jillian comes home the next day and informs her mother, "Kaitlyn says her mom isn't sick she has cancer".

All along I have said that I had no time to be sick - my family needed me.
I guess I did a better job than I thought.

Farm Day

We spend the day at "The Farm" - Aunt Kim & Uncle Rob's Farm

- Thought I would share a couple pics.

Joe & Kris just swinging!!

This one is the cousins and Hillary watching Kris sleep in the hay

- kind of like the Seven Dwarfs and Snow White - But funnier!!!

Girl Scout - Daddy Daughter Dinner

Kaitlyn & Kris went to their "First" D/D Dinner

They were so cute!!!

Did I mention it had a "Theme"? Kaitlyn designed their masks!!!

- I love my husband so much he was such a trooper.

Happy Halloween

Halloween at Nana's House!!!!!

Jelly beans - Queen of Hearts - Snake Eyes - Little Witch - Cowgirl

Post Pumpkin Murder

Kaitlyn and her Kitty pumpkin.

Joe and his Skeleton pumpkin.

Guess which one is mine? Joe says the "Hippie" one.

My niece Paige says the "Turkey Foot" one.

Come on - Give Peace a Chance!!!

A small taste of our Halloween Decor

Check out my "PRETTY" - isn't she pretty? I have a collection of Mardi Gras

masks, I thought she would be a nice addition to my collection.

The kids decorated the front porch with a a skeleton

(they had a great time deconstructing the skeleton).

Good News - Bad News

Good News

Yesterday I finished my radiation treatment.
Now it is just a waiting game until another PET scan can be done.
I have to wait til the radiation in my system runs it course, because a PET uses radiation as a component of the scan.

BAD NEWS

78 days until Christmas. (ha)

Smile!!

The McDowell Girls.

thanks for the pic Mindy!

Everyone loves a parade!

Italian fest parade in Collinsville.

No parade in Collinsville without a Catsup Bottle.

Joseph and the Cub Scouts.

Kaitlyn was primed and ready - you should have seen her throwing elbows to get candy.

Update

So I started Radiation this week.
Monday was the dry run - they just took some xrays. The funny thing was I came home with permanent green template (from the xrays) on my chest. Of course I wore the wrong shirt so when I stopped by the grocery store I got several odd looks.

Tuesday - Friday I had my treatments. It's not that bad, kind of like getting a xray - EVERYDAY.
I just feel really tired. The bad thing is that I am not sleeping.

Oh ..... I have a sticker on my chest (that will be there til I am done). And I discovered that almost everyday I get a new permanent drawing on my chest. Fun Fun.

Who is walking whom?

When I was looking through the pictures, I found these cute dog walking photos.

Zander (w/Nicole), Kaitlyn, and Joseph all walking Creasy in their own way.

I personally like Zander's photo best.

Go Joe!

We went to Great Grandma and Grandpa's house. The boys played ball and I thought I would share the picks.

Johnnie pitching, Kris catching - Joe is up to bat.

And the swing!!

And it's out of here!!!

Treatment news.

My last chemo treatment was a week ago Tuesday and I met my radiologist Monday morning.

I had/got my radiation form made, a preformed pillow thing that holds me in place while I get treated.
I got 3 new tattoos - ha ha I am serious - they are the dots that will be used to line me up for radiation.

I start my treatment on the 14th of September, there will be 1 dry run (where they do xrays)and 16 or 17 treatments.
I will go the same time everyday Monday thru Friday (off for the weekend) and the radiation treatment should only take 15 minutes.

Good Fortune

Missy & Jeff sent me a fortune cookie.
Now look how pretty it is - I didn't want to open it.

Of course the kids couldn't wait until I called and said thank you.

(can we eat it?, can we eat it?, can we eat it? - gets old fast.)

Yes, we opened it. Yes, we ate some. And yes it is as good as it looks!!!

Thank you Missy and Jeff!!!!

Meet my Dogphew...Nephdog.....Creasy!!!

Isn't he cute!!! - Creasy Bair the newest addition to our family (VIA Carrie and Johnie).

Kaitlyn & Joseph w/ Cousin Creasy

And you know what?

"And you know what?" is how Kaitlyn starts most of her conversations.
So I thought it would work here since I have some different things items I want to mention.

I wanted to thank everyone who has sent me Get Well Cards. Thank you.
The cards are a bright spot in my days.

I want to remind everyone I know to donate blood.

I want to Thank Shelly Colbert !!!
She participated in the Relay for the Cure.
She did it in the honor and memory of Grandpa Jack Colbert, Missy Hickam, and Me. Thanks Shell!!!

Here is where the tone of this posting changes.

So, I lost my job. Not a big deal!!! They gave me 3 months personal leave and at the end of that time they terminated my employment, when I am better I can get me job back if I want it.

The reason I mention it is because I was telling my family about it at the Pogue Family Reunion. My cousin Mark stops the conversation and asked "Who did you worked for?"
I respond "St. John's Evangelical Church - Home Healthcare".
He says, "So let me get this straight - you worked for a church? So doesn't that make God your boss?"
Me, "Yes, technically I guess so."
Mark, "So you were fired by God?"
And at that point I realized he was right - I just got fired my God!!!!!

SS

Oh and did I mention?

Today was Kaitlyn and Joseph's first day of school.

Kaitlyn is in 1st grade and her teacher is Mr. Eberhart.
(fun fact Mr. Eberhart was my sisters' Sunday School Teacher when they were little)

Joseph is in 4th grade and his teacher is Mrs. Mitchell.

My vacation! - Dumb place didn't even have a pool!!!

First - - though my mom may yell at me for this, my doctor diagnosed Kris as an "idiot". Yes, that is his medical opinion based on his actions and the marginally rude statements my husband has said in his office about my health. (I would like to point out that I love my doctor!!!)

Yesterday, I went in for my weekly blood test. Since my last chemo, I have been getting lightheaded and a couple of times I have collapsed. Per Kris I had to tell the nurses or the doctor to see if what I should do about the situtation. I did as I was told. After taking my blood, my blood pressure (5 times), and my pulse/ox (3 times - including once after a walkabout the office).

My doctor came in to ask if I was trying to kill myself, asked Joe and Kate if he could hit me (they said yes), he hit me, and then asked what time "the idiot" would be home from work.

I as admitted to the hospital at 5:00 yesterday evening. I received a blood transfusion (two units-bags) during the night and I was released this morning at 10:00.

Carrie sat with me and yelled at me for touching different things. My roommate SNORED all night. They woke me over and over again.

AND to top it all off this morning my doctor asked Kris if he would like to become a widow. Because he (my doctor) was going to personally kill me if and I quote "Pull something this stupid again." (I would like to amend my earlier statement about loving my doctor)

For the record - I would like to say that at no point did I feel sick. Furthermore, I feel worse today that I felt all last week. And of course there are some who would say I am a little lightheaded all the time so what is the big deal (it's okay I know you were thinking it.)

I am fine. Okay. Alive. Unharmed. But tired.

The News is In.

Yesterday, Kris and I met with the doctor.

The CT scan confirms a 75% decrease in the size of the mass.
I will have one more Chemo treatment (in three weeks).
Then I will start Radiation.

Good news right!!

Where I try to explain.

Just in cause you though I fell back into my anti social tendencies.
I will try to explain.

• 4th of July = always busy.
• 6th - Dylan came to town with Mom and we entertained him for the evening.
• 7th - Carrie took all the kids, I had a pedicure, Mom and I went to "Look Better Feel Better" an American Cancer Society function that helps with make up issues e.g. learning how draw on eye brows (Igot more than 200 dollars worth of make that day), and Kris and I went out to dinner.
• 8th and 9th I didn't go much of anything to be honest with you.
• 10th - Nicole, Jarrod, and Zander came into town - dinner at Mom's house.
• 11th - We (the Spots, the Loschs minus Nicole who was sick and Mom) went to the country to see Grandma, pa, Gladys, Jim, Nancy, Ray, Heather, Colton, Jay, Laura (and more I am certain I missed someone) and in the evening we went to New Baden for Carrie's Birthday Party.
• 12th - Brunch at Mom's house before Nicole had to leave.
• 13th - Discovered that Kris and I threw away my wallet spent all day cancelling and requesting new cards.
• 14th - DMV for a new licence and the All Star Game (see below)
• 15th - Chemo 9 am to 4 pm
• 16th - Back to the doctor for my feel better shot
• 17th - I rested - I know how dare me!!!
• 18th - Collinsville Library Book Fair (a bag of books for $1 and a box for $2 of course we went) and lunch with mom afterwards.
• 19th - Kaitlyn went birthday shopping with Nana, I went birthday shopping for Kaitlyn and Boy Scout Swim Party.
• 20th - Kaitlyn's Birthday - She and Kris went out for a big day of shopping, lunch and ice cream. Joe and I realized we were getting rooked!! We went out together. Dinner at Peking Garden (she has had her birthday dinner there every year since she was born).
• 21th Carrie took Kaitlyn Birthday shopping - went to the library later that after noon.
• 22nd Doctor for labs
• 23rd - I rested - can you blame me.
• 24th - Boys left for Weeblo Camp and Kaitlyn, Mom, and I had dinner at Olive Garden.
• 25th - Lunch with Mom at Texas Roadhouse (because Kaitlyn wanted to go to the restaurant where you can throw the peanut shells on the floor) and we went to Carrie's house to see "Creasy Bair" who Kaitlyn calls her baby (puppy) cousin. And to quote Kaitlyn "he is sooooooo darling"
• 26th - Boys back from camp and Kaitlyn and i had lunch with mom and HR Block friend/coworkers at The Happy Cow.

And that brings you up to date.

Now you know why I won't allow myself to be sick.

I DO NOT have the time.

I canceled chemo. WHY?

MY MOMMY TOOK ME TO THE ALL STAR GAME!!!

We stood in line for the better part of an hour.

But the pregame show was worth the wait!!!

The stealth from Whiteman AFB:

Obama and the first pitch:

The BLACK OPS on top of the stadium - ha that is what we were calling them.

Watching Molina drive in some runs:

Sure I was beat the next day when i did have to take my chemo

- - But boy was it worth it!!!

Kaitlyn will KILL me one day for this.

Kaitlyn has had a tooth loose for a long time (forever!! really).
She looked like Nanny McPhee - REALLY see.

Friday morning (before the 4th), as Kaitlyn was eating a package of muffins she announces "My tooth fell out!". I would like to say I did a little dance. That was until I realized that the tooth that fell out was the one next to the Nanny McPhee tooth (we didn't even know that particular tooth was even loose).

So after I called and railed at my mom about "the unfairness of loosing teeth and it's effect on mothers!!!" My mom suggested I add a bribe to the process. I did.

Saturday - Kaitlyn's Nanny McPhee tooth came out in a confusion that involved - Joe's shoulder, a rag with ice, lots of tears, and me covered in blood.

Now look at my baby - she looks like a prize fighter!!! So much for getting what I wanted.

(oh yeah, the additional bribe involved Kaitlyn and I going to Cracker Barrel. The only place where the pink pistol and holster could be found).

I can explain~~

Can't you just hear my mom yelling at me?

Humor. I still have it! I have been think about the things that I said and done recently you keep my sanity.

The other day after picking out my wig. Per the kids request I wore the wig into Michael's. I have several excuses for what happened next e.g. the day was hot, the wig was long, it was my first time wearing it.
Anyway when we were leaving the store, I pulled of my wig sitting right there in the front seat of my van. Big deal right? HA - I see movement in the truck next to me. The sweet old man (who has just watch the kids and I cross to and pack ourselves into to van) looks once, twice, and as he turns to look again I slid on my hat and smiled at him. The look on his face, I cannot even begin to describe. But I will admit laughing most of the way home. I know, Bad Stephanie.

But I have to laugh.
Maybe I will write the Fleetwood Mac / Swine Flu incident later - now that was wrong but funny.

Update

Yesterday, I had my 3rd chemo treatment. All went well. Today Kris and I met with the doctor after my Neulasta Shot (mom calls it my B12). So here is the news.

I am scheduled to take my 4th treatment in 3 weeks. Afterwards I will have another CT Scan to see where I and my little friend Non-Hodgkin's stand. Depending on what the CT Scan shows, I will either finish the traditional 6 treatment chemo regiment or additional treatments will be added (as needed).

After the Chemo treatment is finished then it will be time to move on the the radiation treatments.

So how do I feel? - I am really tired.

MY HAIR!!!

So... my hair. Now I liked my hair, but I never thought of it as my best attribute. My sisters (Nicole and Carrie) they have great hair, no matter what their hair looks perfect. My cousin Kim is someone who could change her hair and no matter what looks great. My mom - I can only hope my hair will look as good as hers one day. Mine looks good for about 10 minutes, goes flat before I arrive at (__fill in the blank__), and then I have to pull it back to get it out of my eyes.

That being said. Nicole hooked me up with a cute halo (wig) and hat combo. This one will be great from the summer since it isn't a full wig, the hat covers part of my bare head.

The American Cancer Society has Wig Day at the cancer center I take my treatments. The kids and I went on Monday. Yes, as I am sure you already reliazed it was a regular laugh riot. Joe would not stop laughing and Kate didn't like any of them. We took a little drive of the American Cancer Society's office and Dione (a wonderful woman - god bless her) helped all three of us. The kids just couldn't see me in short hair (one wig they informed me made me look like Nana - my mother in law). If the hair didn't come to my shoulders - it was a no go. What you see below is the compromise. The kids have given me permission to get it trimmed up a bit -- but not much.

Keeping the Kids Busy

After a interesting day getting my hair. The kids and I made a trip to Michael's for crafts. (And Father's Day Gift - I can say that because Kris won't be reading this. HA) The kids looked so determined I couldn't help but laugh. Kaitlyn is painting a little blue parrot and Joseph by some rare coincidence is painting a pirate.

I AM FINE!!

So here is how it happened. I pulled my left pectoral muscle. My shoulder and chest hurt. And just didn't seem to be getting better.

My doctor sent me in for a chest xray on April 23th. Something - a mass - was visible in my chest.

On April 28th I had a CT scan. The scan confirmed a mass (about the size of a baseball).

On April 30th I went to Barnes-Jewish to have a PET scan to confirm what the mass was, it's exact location, etc. The PET confirmed the same basic knowledge about the mass, but went further to state that the my lymph nodes were also infected. SO, they sent me to have Biopsy.

May 7th I met with the Oncologist.

AND by May 23th I was having the first half of my first Chemo Treatment - this is the treatment that will make my hair fall out. It was funny the doctor said 2 -3 weeks and my hair would be falling out. All I really wanted was to have hair for Kaitlyn's Graduation. (spoiler if you haven't read my other posting)

A week later on May 21st I had my second half of my first Chemo Treatment. Mom went with me. It was really funny - at one point I said "my ears were itching". Mom says, "your face is breaking out!" and called the nurse over. We laughed if it wasn't bad enough I have cancer I am allergic to the chemo. I AM NOT allergic the the chemo - I just had a reaction - the blotches went away after about a half an hour.

So....here i am 40 days from the xray. I have had my first Chemo Treatment. I feel fine.

My only real complaint is that I am forced to drink lots of water every day (FYI-I HATE water). THE WATER NAZI - my loving husband asked me daily (sometimes every 10 minutes) if have had or want a drink of water. HIS RATS - Kate & Joe - will tattle on me if they haven't seen me drink any water.

But, the doctor was right. 2-3 weeks - the DAY OF Kate's Graduation - my hair started to fall out IN HANDFULS!!! I held out two more days before I realized that I just couldn't do it. I couldn't just sit there and brush it out. So after I called mom to tell her I couldn't do it anymore and let her know I was really ready to let it go, I decided to shave my head.

Kris, the kids and I did it as a family. Kate held my hand. Kris started me out and finished me up. Joe got to take off several swipes. Kate my big brave girl. She was so funny. I am about halfway through my bangs and Kate says "Mom you are having a really bad hair day". We were so busy laughing that no one cried.

The hat is one of the hats I picked out of "THE HAT ROOM". The room is at the Illinois Oncology Office (here I go for chemo). Almost all the items in this room are donated and free to anyone having treatment.

I AM FINE!!

Kaitlyn's Kindergarten Graduation

Kris & Kate Joe, Kate & Mrs. Clark

(Mrs Clark taught both Joe & Kate)

Sooo Sweet!!

Webster School had 83 Graduates Students in the 2009 Kindergarten Class.

I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. 83 little people up on the stage singing and the walking across the stage to receive their diploma.

After last weeks blood test I been put in "timeout" - so the only way I my family (sisters, mom, & husband) would let me attend was if I wore a face mask. Yeah, nobody wanted to sit by us! But I did meet one of my own personal goals - I wanted to have hair for Kaitlyn's graduation.

I DID!!